Homeless in the Woods: Week 1
*Updated* (with the usual edits and corrections)
Moved out of my temporary Winter quarters last Thursday and, after a failed attempt to find a safe place in the woods to camp within closer walking distance to downtown Montpelier than what I had for tenting out last year, finally managed to make camp in the woods much farther out than desirable and set up my tent just prior to dark setting in.
Due to pulling an all-nighter -- my second within only a few days -- the night before so I could finish packing, I was terribly exhausted, thus resulting in my being slower in everything I tried to do. In addition, certain things went undone as well.
With the help of an off-the-shelve sleeping aid and, despite considerable pain and discomfort, I managed to sleep relatively okay the first three nights.
However, although going to bed around 9:00 PM Sunday evening and, not wanting to take the sleeping aid night after night in a row and also because of some of the effects it seemed I may have been experiencing from it, I could not manage to get to sleep until 6:00 AM the next morning.
It had rained hard all evening as well as all Monday morning and did not seem to stop until around 2:00 PM or so. Yet this was not the only reason I could not sleep and it ended up being what I typically term as being a bad night, which is something I can experience on any given night, sometimes right out of the blue and other times because something has either upset or stimulated me in one fashion or another, setting my mind into overdrive.
Since I was so tired from a lack of sleep as well as lack of proper nutrition of late and with it raining so hard, I slept in until I could tell the rain had stopped.
Had to bail out some water that made its way into the tent and related problems caused by it.
Then I went into town for a couple of hours to run errands late in the afternoon, including for a quick birdbath, quickly check e-mail and grab my one meal of the day -- other than having had a few of mini-Clif bars from a package of 18 bars I bought last Thursday.
When I got back to the tent last night I had some more mopping up to do, without what I really need to do so. It does not help that I have such poor camping or outdoor survival skills, knowledge or experience.
Overall I have been real tired and dragging, with my health not doing well, although I was experiencing some of the same to a certain degree when I was temporarily housed the previous eight (8) months too.
While these matters have made me feel rather desperate, as well as filling me with anxiety and causing further major depression and panic attacks at times, my continued attempts to find housing have thus far failed.
With no transportation available on Saturday due to it being July 4th and not much to do during the entire weekend, I managed to arrange to get inside for a three night stay indoors starting this coming Friday; particularly since it looks much of the next four months will be spent living houseless (aka homeless), with only my tent in the wood being the the place of last resort.
Suffice it to say that if I were to make the mistake to disclose to anyone specifically what else I was going through or experiencing and, how it made me feel and think at times relating to potential self-harm (i.e., one who is often prone to suicidal ideation on either a daily or episodic basis can easily be pushed there real quickly, particularly under rocky circumstances such as a lack of stable habitat, lack of proper nutrition or lack of enough restful sleep and even worse when it is a combination of any or all three*[1]), it could probably get me unwanted time in the state hospital or something else like that and just as bad; when much of what is really needed in my case is permanent housing along the lines of what would meet my needs and on terms acceptable to me, yet have not been able to manage to get there from here on my own either the past twelve (12) years or currently and that despite seeking assistance from those I feel safe or comfortable enough to do so from.
*[1: Ironically enough, when talking about bears and other creatures in the woods as well as concerns about having people come across me and my camp with intent to cause me or my property harm, someone generously offered me use of a handgun, however knowing how it either could too easily be used against me or used an excuse to harass me in some way, I declined; not to mention the potential of my using such on myself when in utter despair, which I have been struggling with both now and in years past of course. The person meant well, but had not thought it through, yet I had done so enough for the both of us in order to know better]
Sad to say, others have it much worse than myself and this does not make me feel any better, if anything it only makes things more depressing.
All that said, I do the best I am able at any given moment and, even when certain moments appear to be their darkest and bleakest, never ever give up hope, even and most especially when there is nothing to be hopeful about.
*Note*: made several edits and corrections for the purposes of clarification and readability; last updated on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 at 2:18 PM (ET).
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_b.png?x-id=bd097bb7-4272-4aa6-ab18-bcef220c7c51)
Posts
